Title: Mismatch Series: Psidai AU, part 6 of the InuKai sequence. Fandom: Prince of Tennis Rating: G Word Count: 2532 Pairings: Inui/Kaidoh, Ann/Kamio/Kaidoh? (*snerk*)
Summary: Kamio spazzes. Momo doesn't help. Ann matchmakes. Inui gets déjà vu. Kaidoh is just confused.
Timeline: Takes place in Inui's 1st year of high school and Kaidoh's 3rd year in junior high. Mid-September-ish, after the Nationals.
“You… what?” Momoshiro blinked at Kamio in surprise.
“I said I want you to set up a meeting!” Kamio yelled at him, utterly disgusted that he had to turn to one of his hated rivals for a favor.
“You… and Mamushi,” Momshiro enunciated carefully. He scratched at the back of his head. “…Why?”
“Well it’s all your fault!” Kamio burst out. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for a rematch with him? Since last year's district finals! The first match I’ve ever lost to anyone other than Shinji and Tachibana-san! Except we never got to play Seigaku again after the Districts last year. And then the only time we played you guys this year you put him on doubles. DOUBLES! What were you thinking?!”
“Hey, it’s not all my fault!” Momo yelled back. “We drew straws to see who’d play on Doubles 1 against your Ishida-kun! It’s not my fault he lost!”
“I don’t care!” Kamio fumed. “All I care is that now the Nationals are over and then we’ll all be graduating and I wont even know if I’ll ever get to see him again! I want my rematch, damn it!”
“Fine!” Momo snapped, tired of the other’s persistent whining. “I’ll set up a stupid meeting between you and Mamushi. Why don’t you confess your love to him there or something while you’re at it, the way you keep going on and on about him!” Personally, Momo didn’t see what was so great about Kaidoh that Kamio would keep bugging him to set up a rematch. And it was just like that mamushi to still be causing him trouble outside of club, what with his never coming to the street courts so that Kamio can make his challenge himself.
“Baka! What are you saying?!” Kamio screeched, an octave or so above his normal screams.
“Ehhh… this is interesting news,” murmured Tachibana Ann from where she had just wandered into hearing range. The loud voices between the two arguing boys could be clearly heard across the courts. “So Kamio-kun has feelings for Seigaku’s Kaidoh-kun, huh? Has he been hiding his feelings all this time?” She grinned and snapped her fingers, her mind already scheming away. “This should be interesting.”
Giggling to herself, she turned and ran from the courts.
Ever since the next year’s Regulars had been chosen, Inui had been slipping back into the role of manager for the four members who were of their national champion team. He himself hadn’t made the team, due to ending up in the same ranking block as Tezuka and Fuji. It was rather clear that there was still a lot of tension sizzling between the current second years and those first years who had followed Tezuka to the junior high national championship. In fact, he was rather surprised that four of their people made it onto the team, though that had the effect of completely faction-izing the Regulars along with the rest of the club.
Given the sparks that were flying on the courts at his own school, Inui naturally had to cut down on the time he spent on his own extracurricular hobbies. That was why it was actually coincidence when he saw Kaidoh walking into the street courts one afternoon, rather than because of his usual hobby of stalking his kouhai.
Inui was intrigued. According to his data, Kaidoh had only played on the common street courts 15.5 times total in the last two years, not counting his private matches with Momoshiro over their co-captainship decisions, and none of them had been of his own volition. So, what occasion had coerced Kaidoh in going to the street courts this time? Inui only wavered for a moment before deciding to follow.
Meanwhile, Kaidoh had reached the street courts and was looking around in annoyance. Momoshiro had left a message stuck in his shoebox (no doubt as petty revenge after Ryuuzaki-sensei agreed with him on some minor thing earlier that day) telling him to meet at here. Kaidoh didn’t know what the baka wanted, or why he had to come to these noisy street courts where people always stared at him funny instead of their usual spot, but if that stupid peach didn’t show up in 10 minutes, he was leaving.
“Konnichi wa, Kaidoh-kun!” a perky voice greeted him.
Kaidoh turned around to see a girl smiling up at him. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t recall where he’d seen her before.
“Who are you?” Kaidoh asked, bluntly as ever.
“Ann-chan?!” the answer came from a difference source. Kaidoh blinked at the sudden appearance of Kamio, the current Fudomine buchou, who was staring at him and the girl in shocked surprise. “What’s going on here?”
Ann gave him a sweet smile and leaned just a little bit towards Kaidoh. “Date.”
“EH?” Was the girl saying what Kaidoh thought she was saying? Kaidoh was certain he would know if he was on a date, which he wasn’t, since he didn’t even know the girl in question, and if this was some sick joke by that baka Momo, he was going to pound that monkey’s face into the pavement…
“WHAT?!” Kamio screeched. His head whipped back and forth as he looked between Ann and Kaidoh. “WITH HIM?!” He stabbed a finger into Kaidoh’s face.
“Urusai, rhythm-freak!” Kaidoh snapped at him. The other boy’s screaming was making his ears ring. “I’m not--”
He wasn’t able to finish. “It’s a date,” Ann announced with a smile.
Kamio face-planted to the ground. Kaidoh’s eyes twitched in irritation.
“Ann-chan! How could you?” Kamio whined as he pulled himself up from the ground. “I mean, Momoshiro was bad enough, but him?!”
“What was that?!” Kaidoh growled. “Don’t compare me to that moron!” It wasn’t that he wanted to be on a date with some weird girl he didn’t know, but there was nothing that he was going to lose to that baka Momo.
“Kamio-kun, you can come too!” Ann added with a bright grin, derailing the topic of argument yet again.
“W-WHAT?! W-w-with both of you?” Kamio pointed a shaky finger at the grinning girl and utterly bewildered Kaidoh.
“Huh? Come where?” Kaidoh asked in confusion. He hadn’t been on a date before, but he didn’t think it was natural for there to be three people on one. Then again, he didn’t want to be on a date with the girl in the first place, much less with two people. “Since when did I agree--”
“Let’s go!” Ann cheered as she grabbed each boy by an arm and dragged the two of them off, Kamio still stuttering in indignation, and Kaidoh simply confused and reluctant to use force on a girl to get out of the situation.
A small distance away, Inui followed them covertly. He felt a strange sense of déjà vu whenever he looked at the trio, and made a mental note to himself to look up his older journals when he got home. Meanwhile, his mind was on overdrive as he noted down every detail of the scene, ruthlessly suppressing the… unease… that festered in his emotions. He wasn’t going to make the mistake of acting on the situation without complete data again.
‘So it seems that Kaidoh is willing to date a girl when asked, even if there is an 79% chance that he’s had about 25 minutes of total previous interaction with Tachibana’s little sister. Not good. That raises the probability level that he exclusively prefers females to 95%, which means there is only a 0.3% chance that he’ll accept any advances from me. On the other hand, given his conservative background, there is only a 14% chance that he would be comfortable with having another male along with them. Given his pride and odd possessive streak, there is a 91% chance that this will end up in a confrontation between Kamio and Kaidoh, though only a 57% chance for Kaidoh to be fighting over Ann…’
Inui paused for a moment to scribble his thoughts down into his notebook (and squishing down the impulse to feed the two from Fudomine with his most potent form of Aozu, as well as latching onto Kaidoh and not letting go) when the three teens he was observing finally entered a small café. Then it took him a little time and some creative thinking to get in close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation at their table. He was just in time to see Ann putting away her cell phone and getting up from the table.
“What is it now?” Kaidoh snapped, quite unhappy at how he had been dragged into this current predicament.
“Oh, I have an appointment with oniisan,” Ann replied cheerfully, completely unfazed by Kaidoh’s gruffness.
“W-what?!” Kamio stuttered, remembering all those instances when Ann had similarly left the scene of the chaos she’d caused because of a supposed “date” with her brother. “But Ann…”
“Sorry, but I have to go!” Somehow, Ann was at the door faster than she should have been able to move. “You two enjoy your date!”
“WHAT?!” The exclamation came from both boys this time as they stared wide-eyed at Ann.
“You’d be so cute together,” Ann added blithely. “There’s a pretty strong thread between you. I can see why Kamio-kun wanted to confess.” She gave them one last wink and then was out the door.
Of course, she had neglected to tell them the part that she didn’t know what kind of thread was between them, and that it was only strong on Kamio’s side. But whatever it all meant, she was sure she will hear all about it from Kamio the next day at school. It was just a pity that she couldn’t stay and observe the two of them interact. Why did her brother just have to call her away at the most inconvenient times?
Meanwhile, back in the café, two teenage boys were left sitting across from each other in the awkward atmosphere. Well, Kaidoh was sitting in awkward and stunned silence, still trying to process what just happened. Kamio was rather busy sputtering as if he was choking on something, or if he was having seizures.
Suddenly, a tray of two cups appeared on their table. Apparently, the waiter had just returned with their orders. Kamio immediately snatched up the cup nearest to him and drained it in one gulp. Scarcely a moment later, however, his eyes popped wide open, and then rolled up into his head. The cup fell out of his nerveless hands as the Fudomine redhead toppled out of his chair in a dead faint.
Kaidoh, who had just raised his own cup to cover up his mortification and confusion, halted mid-sip. A second later, his senses registered the familiar horrific taste against his tongue, and he immediately sprayed the liquid across the table. Pushing the cup away from himself as far as possible, Kaidoh barely spared a cursory check to see if Kamio was still alive before resolutely setting out to find the culprit of the awful concoctions who was undoubtedly nearby.
He found Inui hiding behind one of the counters, cursorily dressed up as one of the café waiters, muttering softly about the effects of reaction time of Inui Juice version 6.66 on hyperactive metabolisms and scratching illegible notes into his notebook.
Inui snapped his notebook shut and looked up at his kouhai’s unamused expression.
“What the hell was that for?!”
“To what are you referring?”
“You spiked our orders with Inui Juice!”
Inui adjusted his glasses. “Yes, well, since I would be recognized if I went to the kitchens to obtain your orders, it was simpler just to use something I had on hand instead.” He grinned evilly. “Besides, this way I can also get data on my latest experimental version of Inui Juice. A most efficient way of doing things.”
“Senpai!” Kaidoh ground out behind clenched teeth. There was just no talking to Inui sometimes. “It’s bad enough that we have to suffer your nasty drinks, but did you have to inflict it on someone from Fudomine? You could have killed someone!”
Inui stood up and tilted his head at Kaidoh, carefully observing the indignant boy in front of him.
“You seem to care about what happened to Kamio more than your usual attitude towards him would suggest,” he said instead, utterly ignoring the earlier topic of conversation. “Could it be that, despite only a 0.15% probability, that you might actually be receptive to a confession from him?”
“WHAT?! No! I’m--he--you--” Unfortunately, Kaidoh was sputtering too hard to make any sense.
“I have NOTHING to confess!” Kamio was suddenly next to them, weaving on his feet but at least conscious and coherent. “I just wanted a stupid rematch! I like girls, damn it! I’m NOT GAY!” And then he was zooming out of the room, his hand held over his mouth, no doubt looking for the nearest bathroom.
“Interesting, it seems that his enhanced metabolism allows him to process Inui Juice version 6.66 at 10 times the normal first time revival time.” Inui pushed up his glasses and made another notation in his notebook. ‘If Kamio isn’t pursuing Kaidoh, then I still have no competition. However, there still remains the uncertainty of Kaidoh’s gender preference. Given that he agreed to go out with Ann but reacted awkwardly to a date with Kamio, there still remains a discouraging 88% chance that he exclusively prefers girls.’
“Inui-senpai…” Kaidoh ground out in warning, bringing Inui’s wandering attention back to his irate and flustered kouhai.
“Err… I suppose I should apologize for interrupting your… date,” Inui amended quickly, though he was lying through his teeth. “I hope you weren’t disappointed.”
“Whatever,” Kaidoh snapped gruffly. “Who’d want to go out with that idiot? I’m going to kill Momoshiro for setting me up. That girl is annoying. I don’t even know who she is. But that rhythm-freak is even worse. Why the hell would I want to go out with him?!” A dam had broken, and the usually terse Kaidoh was positively ranting about the situation.
Inui felt his eyebrows rising as he quickly revised his calculations. “So… don’t prefer dates with someone of your own gender either?” he asked cautiously.
“Gghk,” Kaidoh sputtered and turned even redder. “I…I didn’t say that! I…just… I…you… BAKA SENPAI!”
Inui was too late in ducking the cup that was swiped off the nearest table and thrown at him. By the time he stopped seeing stars, Kaidoh had also fled the café and he was left facing empty space. Absently, Inui pushed up his glasses. The pain from the bump on his head was at odds with the growing grin on his face.
“Ii data. Heh heh heh.”
‘Recent events indicate a 5% chance that Kaidoh may prefer males exclusively and a 22% chance he has no strong (unswayable) preference for either gender. That’s an overall increase by at least a factor of 5. Even though the odds are still too risky for me to consider making any advances at this time… this improvement is most encouraging.’
Inui left the café in the best mood he’d had all week.
~* owari *~
Translations: Urusai = Shut up Konnichi wa = Hello, Good afternoon.