Old Psidai thing
This was never posted... cuz it never really got off the ground. It's a Wonka xover.
1. Landing, conversations, and setup
Tezuka - only going because Yamato made him Oishi - dragged by Eiji Eiji - there for the candy Fuji - there because Tezuka is Inui - there for the data Kaidoh - was dragged by Inui Momo - there for the food Echizen - there for the food and also dragged by Momo
Atobe - there because Tezuka is and also to find a way to get rid of the place Kabaji - following Atobe Oshitari - there because Mukahi is Mukahi - there because Kikumaru is Shishido - there for cheap food Ohtori - there because Shishido is
Yukimura - there for fun Sanada - there because Yukimura is Yanagi - there for the data Marui - there for the food Jackal - there because Marui is Kirihara - there because Yanagi is
Tachibana - there because the other buchou-tachi are Kamio - there for the food Shinji - there just because
Kentaro - there for the fun Saeki - dragged by Fuji Mizuki - there for the data
Absent List: Kawamura & Akutsu - not at school Hiyoshi - didn’t even know about the tour Jiroh - was asleep at the dorm Niou & Yagyuu - off doing punishment laps for a prank on Yanagi that backfired onto Sanada Yuuta - not there because Fuji was Sengoku - was on a date and was lucky to have escaped it all
2. Candyland room
The small door swung open to a literal candyland.
It was hard to tell if the awed gasp came from Eiji or Momoshiro. Though it certainly could not have come from Marui who was already, and also literally, chewing on the scenery.
“Bunta!” Jackal hurried to keep his partner in line. “Stop that! You can’t eat the grass--”
“On the contrary!” came the loud voice of Willy Wonka. He walked forward and gestured to encompass the entire room. “Everything in this room is edible. Even I’m edible, tho--AAHH!”
He was forced to pause when he suddenly found an insatiable redhead gnawing at his leg.
“Bunta!” Jackal grabbed his partner and forcibly yanked Marui off of their host. “You can’t eat him!”
“But he said he was edible!” Marui immediately protested.
“Yes, Bunta, but that’s cannibalism,” Jackal spelled it out as if to a child.
“All right! I’m joking!”
Willy Wonka cautiously made his way around the arguing duo and put some distance between himself and the possibly cannibalistic tensai. Then he cleared his throat and shuffled through his flashcards to continue his little introduction.
“Ahem. If you’ll all notice the waterfall... It mixes the chocolate in the river; makes it light and frothy; and that river is used to make all the chocolate candy in this factory. No one else in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall.... Er... You may now spread out and enjoy yourselves to everything in this room.”
There was a minor exodus at the door as the Psidai group suddenly lost half their members. The more reserved members of the group slowly also made their way deeper into the room while looking around at their cohorts in resignation.
Momoshiro, Kamio, and Echizen were having some sort of eating contest among a small grove of giant candy mushroom and pumpkins. Kentaro and Saeki were bouncing around sampling every different kind of plant they came across. Mukahi had perched himself on to a fake tree and was tossing insults at Kikumaru while chomping down on candied fruit, while Eiji had decided to retaliate by trying to eat through the thin trunk of said tree. Shishido bodily lugged over the largest candy mushroom in the room for his Choutaroh. Marui, of course, was attempting to single-handedly denude the room.
“Well,” Wonka said, as he came up to the more reticent group members holding a small edible teacup in the form of a small flower, “what do you think?”
“How tasteless,” Oshitari scoffed reflexively, and was immediately bonked on the head with a thrown candied apple by his partner.
“Yuushi! That was such a lame pun, you dork!”
“It’s gauche and puerile,” Atobe added, looking around disdainfully. “There’s not a hint of artistic value in the entire room.”
“Saa,” Yukimura demurred, “but it is designed for younger children, after all.”
“There’s not a single child in Hyotei, from kindergarten to high school, who would wallow in this... this gaudy display of plebian sweets.”
Sanada snorted at the suggestion that Hyotei children could ever be used in any valid comparison with normal kids.
“Anou...” Oishi also spoke up tentatively, “are you sure it’s a good idea to let them eat freely like that?” He frowned. “That much candy can’t be good for the body...”
Inui pushed up his glasses with one hand while pulling Kaidoh, who was poking warily at a candied flower, back with his other. “There is a 65% chance that those who do not brush obsessively as Kikumaru will be in danger of forming cavities, a 45% chance that they will gain unnecessary weight beyond what training regimens can adjust for, and a 100% chance that they will be hyperactive for the rest of the day.”
Oishi’s eyes widened. “Eiji!” He was immediately off looking for his partner.
Meanwhile, Willy Wonka had twitched on the mention of cavities and was looking distastefully at Oishi’s retreating back. “How... healthy of you,” he bit out.
Inui merely raised an eyebrow and scribbled something in his ever-present notebook. “Some of us, yes,” he added pedantically, “though there are some of us here who simply dislike extreme tastes of any kind in food, na Renji?”
Yanagi looked back to give a slight sniff before turning back to his examination a grove of pretty candied plants... only to find that said plants had been swiped and eaten by a red-headed blur while he’d been distracted. Huffing exasperatedly, he stood up and rejoined the group. It was nearly impossible to get good data on the foodstuffs in the room with Marui on the loose anyway.
Willy Wonka regarded the entire group with a frozen smile. “Well, I suppose those of you who haven’t touched anything don’t like candy then?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Atobe snapped dismissively. “If ore-sama wanted chocolates, then ore-sama will have the best Belgian and Swiss products imported by the pound. There’ll be none of this... eating from the same source of candy that all the commoners out there do.” He waved at the chocolate river, and in particular at a certain former Rikkaidai ace who was leaning forward to drink out of it.
“AH! Young man! Young man! Please don’t drink from the river! My chocolate cannot be tainted by human hands!” Willy Wonka called out as he starting quickly making his way to the banks, not hearing Oshitari’s exasperate reply of, “then why did you even bring us in here to begin with?”
Yanagi frowned as he started to feel several sets of eyes from the senpai-brigade zeroing in on him. In the interests of self preservation, he called out to Kirihara, who obviously did not understand the English words being called out behind him.
“Akaya! What are you doing?”
“Ara?” Kirihara’s head snapped up when he heard his senpai’s call, and he whirled around immediately. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a bad idea when he slipped on the fudgy banks of the river and tumbled into the chocolate river.
Timeline: Post-chicken soup sequel; possibly post-Yamato & training camp.
Chocolate river - Kirihara falls in. Yanagi solves problem by making Marui drink up the river, causing a whirlpool that draws Kirihara to the bank. The two leave to get Kirihara cleaned up.
Blueberry gum - No one’s especially interested in gum, but Marui eats everything so he gets bloated up. Jackal makes a crack before rolling Bunta off.
Fizzles - Ohtori goes up into the air and wails for his senpai. Wonka tells them that burping would release the fizz but Ohtori is too polite/mortified to do so. So Shishido grabs Saeki and forces him to go up and retrieve Ohtori. They end up with Saeki attaching a rope to Ohtori for Shishido (with help from Kabaji) to pull him down and dragging him off to be de-gassed.
Squirrels & Nuts - Kaidoh and Yukimura are having a blast with the squirrels, much to Wonka’s and their respective partners’ consternation. Eiji tries to swipe a squirrel to play with too and the squirrel escapes, trailing him on a mad acrobatic chase. Mukahi, not to be upstaged, emulates Eiji, and the two redheads are collectively attacked by the squirrels and dumped down the chute. Oshitari melodramatically jumps for Mukahi’s feet but misses and slides down the chute also. Oishi, after making sure the incinerator isn’t on, also willingly jumps in after his uke, much to everyone’s exasperation.
Goose & Eggs - Yukimura gets ahold of a goose and is petting it. Kentaro & Momo leans in for a close look and their powers set the goose off. Sanada, thinking Yukimura is being attacked by the goose, races forward and grabs it, and is in turn actually attacked. Kamio screams something about Rikkai being deviant with the chicken and Shinji mumbles bad things about Rikkai, even if it’s not actually a chicken, while Tachibana shields their eyes again. Finally, a flailing Sanada goes down the bad egg chute.
TV room - Fuji is blinded despite the goggles due to his vision and stumbles around blindly looking for Tezuka. Kamio and Momo get into a DDR contest when the Oompa Loompa accidentally flips to a DDR contest channel or commercial. They unknowingly stumble onto the pad just as Fuji accidentally hit the red button, and get shrunk.